i know its really been a long time since i've posted. really long time. actually, i really have many things to say just that i cant pen them down. i've been keeping them all to myself. and really, life isn't the same without my everyday posting. so im gonna start again, and this time i doubt anybody still visits this blog, since they think its dead. that's why im starting again. i dont like people looking at my personal life anymore. i've had enough of it. first of all the many things i'd like to say, im obsessed. that's right. obsessed. obsessed with ant and dec. they're really so awesome together. an incredible duo. they're so close to each other, so humorous and successful. they're really so good at presenting cause they just have so much charm. i still can barely get over the fact they came to singapore once when they were singers. this is my deepest darkest secret, i wanna migrate to U.K. just to see them. even better, work with them! i know its crazy.
but what can you do when all you do is obsess over someone so great. nobody knows how i feel. and i know althought dorcas and i are getting closer, there's just that something we cant cross over and overcome. we really have become closer but not as close. and worse of all, i dont know what's that something. and right now i dont wanna talk about it, i just feel like obsessing, so if you'll excuse me, bye bye. im off the obsess.

muahahaha.in school right now. having hell of my ****ing time. scolding expletives in both english, chinese and hokkien. sigh. another day of school. UNTIL 12.30!! HATE SCHOOL.,missing the old holidays. dorcas and i play like crazy. laugh like crazy. next morning get fever. then cry. sigh. nothin much to blog. at least for today. ooh ya. forgot. i borrowed the sims from dorcas. the sims hot date. trying to work it in my comp later. and im gonna do 2 more maple PQs. and then go tuition. sighs. not very happy now. being 'kajioaed' like crazy. and whoots. fidelise, germaine and geraldine dont know doing what right now. whoooooooooooooooo. then dont know who's brother wooing dora. whoooooooo. now MY PRIVACY IS BEING INVADED!!! so bye!!!!

bad day

had a really bad day. lost my wallet in church. groaned and moaned. got headache. mum screamed at me. say she's embarrassed to take me out to eat. althought i dont know the link. but anyway, she embarrassed then embarrassed la. next time dont take me out to eat la. i starve lo. nobody cares. the whole world against me. sigh.nothin much to say. back into depression. really nothing much i wanna say althought there's loads in my mind,

SOME MORE CRAP-

i miss you.
and there’s so much pain in my heart.
i can’t lose you, and yet….
i’m afraid to keep you by my side.
would i be selfish to say thati need you
?would it be laughable to say that
i would lose my will without you?

i know what i want,
and yet i don’t think i can have it.
i don’t think i deserve you.

got this from a blog. my bro's blog. but can't tell you the address.anyway, i think this somehow is me. i changed the names. from man to girl. daryl lim to cheryl lim. yeah. that's it. and this stuff is somehow like me. made some amendments.


God, I feel angry now.
Really angry.Just stop it, Cheryl Lim.Yeah, I’m telling you.STOP IT.In case you didn’t hear it.Stop wallowing in your own misery and self-pity.You’re not the only person in the world who’sbeen hurt.You’re not going to be the last.Nothing is unsexier than a girl who thinks the world will stop turning without him.Nobody did anything to hurt you intentionally.So stop playing your guilty card.If you are a girl, play like a girl.Stop hiding behind this facade of"You hurt me. You did this to me."Girl up, alright?You’ve been playing this hide and seek game too long.LET IT GO.

Grr.If you’re sad about this, cry.And then get on with life.If you’re angry, stomp around for a while.And get on with life.If you don’t care, good luck to you.And don’t even think about using this against me.To yell at me, and make me feel guilty somehow.Because that will just be an example of your cowardice.Yes, cowardice.

.I had to shake myself and wake myself.It pisses me off to see me feeling sorry for myself.What the hell have I got to be sorry for?YoStop thinking people are out to get you.And you would be able to deal with pain a lot better. GIRL UP, CHERYL LIM!! You're CHERYL LIM!! ALMIGHTY!! NOT ROTTING AWAY WITH DEPRESSION!!

few days.

past few days was fine. but thursday was freakin good. went to jurong east swimming pool with dorcas. the 7th time we went since we were young. first, we went to rent our floats, then jumped into the lazy river. and the tunnels. then after 1/2 hour, we went to the wave pool. the big currents started as A LOT of water sprayed out. it lasted for another 1/2 hour. then went to take the slides. from the highest one, the green colour one. that one wasn't very scary, it didn't go down very fast. the pink one was nice and slow. and the lowest one, the yellow one, was super straight and fast. super nice. then went to the lazy river again. then wave pool. then slides. then wave pool. then lazy river. then slides. then bubble jet station. then the jaquzzi. we went from 4.30pm to 8.15pm. whoohoo!!
friday nothin much, watch shrek 2,the dvd. do work. do work. play.play. same routine. today, had a wedding buffet lunch. on the way back home, had a terrible travel sickness. then i cried myself to sleep at home. terrible terrible headache. no poems in my mind recently. nothin much on my mind recently. plain simplicity. and depression. and lethargy. and giddiness. thats about all for today. oh yah, forgot. i cut my hair. its shorter now. sighs.

used to be on an endless run.
Believe in miracles 'cause I'm one.
I have been blessed with the power to survive.
After all these years I'm still alive.
I'm out here kickin' with a twirl.
I am no longer a solitary girl.
Every day my time runs out.
Lived like a fool, that's what I was about,
ohI believe in miracles.
I believe in a better world for me and you

Tattooed your name on my arm.
I always said my he's a good luck charm.
If he can find a reason to forgive
Then I can find a reason to live.

depression

still in the mood of depression. no mood to talk. no mood to do anything much. dont feel like playing. just hogging the comp. all day long. i need some iris right now. but apparantly, she didn't go online, or go to school. i seriously need some iris right now. im dead depressed. dont know why. and today liang liang and dawn just said that blue house cheerleading sucked. took neoprint with dorcas. it was ok.. keep looking at the neoprint. wondering when dorcas and i will ever be as what we were when we were young. i keep wondering. when i can turn back time. if i could, what would i do. i could say my life is better than loads of people, but it still sucks. i keep wishing times will never change and that life will always be the same. but no. it had to change. to what i am right now. a hogger. a piece of rubbish. where is iris when i need her. but oh well, guess she's upset with her own things. sigh. going to jurong east swimming pool with dorcas on thursday. looking forward to it. i wonder why am i so depressed. but i just cant find an answer.

walking down this dark alley,
i'm what i used to be.
that girl,
so lonely, so in hope for love.
wanting everything she lost.
but she could never fight.

how would she succeed,
in doing the things she long for.
she didn't have love nor fun,
all she had was,
the seasons in the sun.

and now she's turned in,
to the pressure and fears,
of becoming what she didn't want to become,
a monster.
a plain word, monster.