depression

still in the mood of depression. no mood to talk. no mood to do anything much. dont feel like playing. just hogging the comp. all day long. i need some iris right now. but apparantly, she didn't go online, or go to school. i seriously need some iris right now. im dead depressed. dont know why. and today liang liang and dawn just said that blue house cheerleading sucked. took neoprint with dorcas. it was ok.. keep looking at the neoprint. wondering when dorcas and i will ever be as what we were when we were young. i keep wondering. when i can turn back time. if i could, what would i do. i could say my life is better than loads of people, but it still sucks. i keep wishing times will never change and that life will always be the same. but no. it had to change. to what i am right now. a hogger. a piece of rubbish. where is iris when i need her. but oh well, guess she's upset with her own things. sigh. going to jurong east swimming pool with dorcas on thursday. looking forward to it. i wonder why am i so depressed. but i just cant find an answer.

walking down this dark alley,
i'm what i used to be.
that girl,
so lonely, so in hope for love.
wanting everything she lost.
but she could never fight.

how would she succeed,
in doing the things she long for.
she didn't have love nor fun,
all she had was,
the seasons in the sun.

and now she's turned in,
to the pressure and fears,
of becoming what she didn't want to become,
a monster.
a plain word, monster.